going to have sex with my boyfriend soon, but I am really scared about
getting pregnant. We are going to use a condom but I’m paranoid that
I’m going to get pregnant. I could go on the pill but my mum wont let
me.. so I’m going to ask my friend’s mum, also. If I could get the
morning after pill and take it just in case it won’t harm me will it?
won’t do you harm that once, nor will using emergency contraception
more than once: there isn’t any data at this time which shows single or
repeat use presents health risks beyond those we see with other
hormonal BC. You can take a look at this page or this one for more information on EC, including possible risks or side effects.
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But Plan B is not likely to be a workable long-term birth control plan for you.
After all, if you’re going to have sex together once, it’s likely
enough you’ll do so again. You probably can’t be — and probably won’t
want to be — using EC every single time.
EC is very expensive, for starters (over £22 in the UK if you’re
paying for it yourself). It also can tend to result in feeling a bit
under the weather for a few days — and for some women, a few weeks —
and in tossing your menstrual cycle out of whack, which is doubly
stressful for someone terrified about pregnancy. When you’re scared of
being pregnant, that period coming on time is often a serious
As well, emergency contraception is really not meant to be used save
for in emergencies and when you KNOW or strongly suspect a birth
control method has failed. It’s not designed for use as ongoing backup
contraception. While the hormones in it are the same as hormones used
in some other methods of in-advance hormonal contraception, when it
comes to hormones, we know that we usually want to do what we can to
put as few in our bodies as possible. The level of hormones in EC is
higher than that in, for instance, birth control pills, so if you want
a hormonal method you can use as a backup regularly, it’s a better idea
to obtain an ongoing method you can use with lower daily doses.
The morning-after pill is also less effective than before-the-fact
hormonal methods, like the birth control pill, the vaginal ring or
Depo-Provera. For people who don’t want to become pregnant, we usually
want to look first to the most effective methods we can use rather than
to those which are less effective.
So, here’s what I see as your options right now.
1) Just wait for partnered sex and/or intercourse until you
CAN do all the things which really are needed for that, like getting
regular sexual healthcare and being able to use whatever birth control
method you need, and until you are more comfortable with and feel more
able to handle the risk of pregnancy which will be present (even when
it’s small) with intercourse no matter what method of birth control you
Sex isn’t going to be very enjoyable for you — before, during or
after — if you’re terrified the whole time, after all, and if it’s not
something you can feel relaxed and safe with, it just doesn’t make much
sense to be doing it. Too, please understand that besides having higher
risks, and additional risks of pregnancy, vaginal intercourse isn’t
something somehow SO different from other kinds of sex. In other words,
if you and yours have what you need to do other things safely, you’re
not going to be getting any less intimacy or pleasure from just doing
those things for now than you would by adding intercourse, especially
since you’re female. The majority of women don’t reach orgasm from
intercourse, and some don’t find it physically or emotionally
satisfying, particularly all by itself.
2) Read up on condoms, both of you. After all, avoiding
pregnancy should be a concern you share and both commit to. Learn all
you can do to use them right, how they fail, and what you can do to
prevent that. By all means, you can keep a packet of EC around for if
the condom fails, and use it then if need be. But really, when you’re
both using condoms properly and consistently, they are not likely to
fail, and you can usually tell when they have. If they haven’t been
used for all direct genital contact, if they slip off into the vagina,
if they break or tear, then you have a possible failure and you can
know when and if any of those things happen and if you’d need to use
EC. With perfect use, condoms are around 98% effective, and doing
things like being sure to use them with additional lubricant, or even
adding a spermicidal film or foam (which you can purchase at the
pharmacy where you buy condoms) are ways to bump up that effectiveness
even higher if you can’t yet access or don’t want to use hormonal
3) Go and get the sexual healthcare and birth control that
you need, on your own. It’s not actually up to your mother if you do or
do not use a method of contraception. You can obtain contraception
without her company or permission, and use it without her permission as
It appears you’re in the UK. You can go to a GUM clinic for that healthcare and birth control, or to a Brook center,
for instance. That way, you can get what you need, add the condoms, and
feel better prepared. If I guessed wrong, and you’re somewhere else, do
an Internet search for your country, state or province and "birth
control," "contraception," or "family planning," to find clinics near
I’d still suggest sticking with condoms even if you do get an
ongoing hormonal method, though, both because combining two methods
beats one alone and because other methods of birth control don’t give
you any protection against sexually transmitted infections, a
protection you also need which condoms provide. You’ll also need to get
started in the habit of yearly testing for sexually transmitted
infections if you’re already or going to be sexually active (and so
should your boyfriend: both partners need regular testing, not just
one). You can get that healthcare at those places, too.
Finally, I would just be sure this is something you’re really ready
for now. Again, no method of birth control is 100% effective, so one
part of sound readiness for intercourse is feeling and being capable of
handling an accidental pregnancy if it happens. Mind, when you are
using condoms plus another reliable method of birth control, that isn’t
very likely, but it is still always a possibility that we always need
to feel we could at least handle, if it happened. If it doesn’t feel
like you could deal with that yet, then it’s probably best for you to
hold off on sex until you feel more capable of handling that risk.
Sometimes, in our lives, even if we’ve had intercourse before, we may
take a break just because at any given time, we’re not ready to manage
a possible pregnancy or just don’t even want to deal with worrying
And if your partner can’t wait until you’re as ready as you can get
— including dealing with these risks, having the time you need to get
prepared, and feeling more relaxed about all of this — and this is
seeming like something you feel you have to rush, that’s a big sign
that HE isn’t ready for sexual partnership, either, and that doing this
now would probably be a bad idea. The right partner for any of us, no
matter our age or sexual experience, is always going to be one with the
maturity and care to accept and honor our needs as well as our
limitations at any given time.
Here are a few more links for you that should help out:
And in other news, Donald Trump suggested that he can relate to Black people who are discriminated against because the system has been rigged against him, too. But he stopped short of saying he understood the experiences of Black Americans.
Donald Trump announced this week that he had selected Indiana Gov. Mike Pence (R) to join him as his vice presidential candidate on the Republican ticket, and earlier in the week, the presumptive presidential nominee suggested to Fox News that he could relate to Black Americans because the “system is rigged” against him too.
Pence Selected to Join the GOP Ticket
After weeks of speculation over who the presumptive nominee would chose as his vice presidential candidate, Trump announced Friday that he had chosen Pence.
“I am pleased to announce that I have chosen Governor Mike Pence as my Vice Presidential running mate,” Trump tweeted Friday morning, adding that he will make the official announcement on Saturday during a news conference.
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The presumptive Republican nominee was originally slated to host the news conference Friday, but postponed in response to Thursday’s terrorist attack in Nice, France. As late as Thursday evening, Trump told Fox News that he had not made a final decision on who would join his ticket—even as news reports came in that he had already selected Pence for the position.
As Rewire Editor in Chief Jodi Jacobson explained in a Thursday commentary, Pence “has problems with the truth, isn’t inclined to rely on facts, has little to no concern for the health and welfare of the poorest, doesn’t understand health care, and bases his decisions on discriminatory beliefs.” Jacobson further explained:
He has, for example, eagerly signed laws aimed at criminalizing abortion, forcing women to undergo unnecessary ultrasounds, banning coverage for abortion care in private insurance plans, and forcing doctors performing abortions to seek admitting privileges at hospitals (a requirement the Supreme Court recently struck down as medically unnecessary in the Whole Woman’s Health v. Hellerstedt case). He signed a ‘religious freedom’ law that would have legalized discrimination against LGBTQ persons and only ‘amended’ it after a national outcry. Because Pence has guided public health policy based on his ‘conservative values,’ rather than on evidence and best practices in public health, he presided over one of the fastest growing outbreaks of HIV infection in rural areas in the United States.
Trump Suggests He Can Relate to Black Americans Because “Even Against Me the System Is Rigged”
Trump suggested to Fox News’ Bill O’Reilly that he could relate to the discrimination Black Americans face since “the system [was] rigged” against him when he began his run for president.
When asked during a Tuesday appearance on The O’Reilly Factor what he would say to those “who believe that the system is biased against them” because they are Black, Trump leaped to highlight what he deemed to be discrimination he had faced. “I have been saying even against me the system is rigged. When I ran … for president, I mean, I could see what was going on with the system, and the system is rigged,” Trump responded.
“What I’m saying [is] they are not necessarily wrong,” Trump went on. “I mean, there are certain people where unfortunately that comes into play,” he said, concluding that he could “relate it, really, very much to myself.”
When O’Reilly asked Trump to specify whether he truly understood the “experience” of Black Americans, Trump said that he couldn’t, necessarily.
“I would like to say yes, but you really can’t unless you are African American,” said Trump. “I would like to say yes, however.”
Trump has consistently struggled to connect with Black voters during his 2016 presidential run. Despite claiming to have “a great relationship with the blacks,” the presumptive Republican nominee has come under intense scrutiny for using inflammatory rhetoric and initially failing to condemn white supremacists who offered him their support.
According to a recent NBC News/Wall Street Journal/Marist poll released Tuesday, Trump is polling at 0 percent among Black voters in the key swing states of Ohio and Pennsylvania.
What Else We’re Reading
Newt Gingrich, who was one of Trump’s finalists for the vice presidential spot, reacted to the terrorist attack in Nice, France, by calling for all those in the United States with a “Muslim background” to face a test to determine if they “believe in sharia” and should be deported.
Bloomberg Politics’ Greg Stohr reports that election-related cases—including those involving voter-identification requirements and Ohio’s early-voting period—are moving toward the Supreme Court, where they are “risking deadlocks.”
According to a Reuters review of GOP-backed changes to North Carolina’s voting rules, “as many as 29,000 votes might not be counted in this year’s Nov. 8 presidential election if a federal appeals court upholds” a 2013 law that bans voters from casting ballots outside of their assigned precincts.
The Wall Street Journalreportedon the election goals and strategies of anti-choice organization Susan B. Anthony List, explaining that the organization plans to work to ensure that policy goals such as a 20-week abortion ban and defunding Planned Parenthood “are the key issues that it will use to rally support for its congressional and White House candidates this fall, following recent setbacks in the courts.”
Multiple “dark money” nonprofits once connected to the Koch brothers’ network were fined by the Federal Election Commission (FEC) this week after hiding funding sources for 2010 political ads. They will now be required to “amend past FEC filings to disclose who provided their funding,” according to the Center for Responsive Politics.
Politico’s Matthew Nussbaum and Ben Weyl explain how Trump’s budget would end up “making the deficit great again.”
“The 2016 Democratic platform has the strongest language on voting rights in the party’s history,” according to the Nation’s Ari Berman.
“David Daleiden contacted our agency May 21st of 2015 and filed a criminal report against StemExpress here in Placerville,” a spokesperson at the El Dorado County Sheriff’s Office told Rewire. “All he was, was a reporting party. He didn’t consult with us and he didn’t cooperate with us. In fact, I’d characterize him as uncooperative.”
See more of our coverage on the anti-choice front group the Center for Medical Progress here.
In late May of last year, David Daleiden was reaching the culmination of a project he had been working on for three years. Over that time, the anti-choice activist had been living a lie of his own creation. He had set up a bogus company, complete with a fake website, and corporate officers whose names were in fact aliases.
He had enlisted half a dozen other anti-choice activists to help him, most notably Sandra Susan Merritt, a 63-year-old resident of San Jose, California, who—using the alias Susan Tennenbaum—posed as the CEO of the bogus company, Biomax Procurement Services.
Together, Daleiden—going by Robert Daoud Sarkis—and Merritt hopscotched the country, traveling from California to Colorado, Florida, Maryland, Texas, and Washington, D.C. They attended conferences for abortion providers and parlayed those attendances—and the trust and credibility they engendered—into visits to abortion clinics, where the pair secretly recorded meetings and site visits and tried to goad their targets into making statements that could be twisted to look like evidence of illegal activities.
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By May 21, Daleiden was nearly ready to bring his elaborate scheme to a head. The next night, he and “Tennenbaum” were scheduled to have dinner with executives from StemExpress, a tissue procurement company based in Northern California. As he had done for virtually every encounter as a Biomax official, Daleiden planned to secretly video record the meeting and then to release doctored versions of that footage to the public.
But this time, Daleiden did something different. On the eve of this particular meeting, he delivered a bundle of so-called evidence of alleged wrongdoing by StemExpress to the El Dorado County Sheriff’s Office, claiming that the company had engaged in a range of crimes including trafficking in human organs and human tissues, and “homicide of babies born alive during the abortion procedure,” according to legal documents obtained by Rewire.
In a deposition taken late last year, Daleiden would claim—in sworn testimony, under penalty of perjury—that the purpose of his meeting with the El Dorado County Sheriff’s Office was “to coordinate [his] investigations going forward on how to bring StemExpress criminal conduct to light.”
Following his lawyer’s advice during that deposition, Daleiden refused to say more about that meeting, or the other authorities he had supposedly “coordinated” with in his spying campaign, but he did heavily imply that the El Dorado County Sheriff’s Office was just one of the “governmental authorities” that he met with “contemporaneously with the actual undercover operation.”
The notion that law enforcement authorities were actively colluding with Daleiden and his associates in conduct that has resulted in criminal indictments is curious, to say the least.
It’s just one of the loose ends that surrounds Daleiden’s project, a year after he released the first smear video against Planned Parenthood (the organization and some of its individual employees), abortion providers in general, and companies that assist in the procurement of tissue for medical and scientific research.
Despite the dozen-odd state and federal investigations his project sparked, the multiple civil and criminal cases it sent ricocheting through state and federal courts, and the untold damage it caused to companies, organizations, and individuals targeted by his group, many questions remain about who funded Daleiden, which politicians supported him, and who else was involved in his operation—including the identities of the other operatives that posed as Biomax employees.
Using freshly obtained legal documents, Rewire has taken a look back at some of the most mysterious aspects of the Daleiden affair, comparing what we have learned since the videos were first released with what remains unknown or unclear.
What emerge are some disturbing claims that have yet to be fully resolved, not least of which is the extent to which members of Congress were aware of—or involved in—planning or executing Daleiden’s campaign.
El Dorado Sheriff’s Office: Daleiden Was “Uncooperative”
When Daleiden met with the El Dorado County Sheriff’s Office, he handed over a report he had prepared containing his “best kind of summary or list of the different California and federal laws that are implicated in the actions between StemExpress and Planned Parenthood,” along with “a few representative examples of the evidence that CMP gathered that indicates probable cause for violations of those laws,” according to a transcript of the deposition he gave on December 30, 2015.
When Rewire contacted the El Dorado County Sheriff’s Office about this anecdote, its spokesperson, Jim Byers, said he clearly remembered Daleiden’s visit, but disputed Daleiden’s characterization that his office was “coordinating” with the spying project.
“David Daleiden contacted our agency May 21st of 2015 and filed a criminal report against StemExpress here in Placerville,” Byers said. “All he was, was a reporting party. He didn’t consult with us and he didn’t cooperate with us. In fact, I’d characterize him as uncooperative.”
Byers said that it was unclear to his colleagues what exactly Daleiden wanted them to do with the information he had provided. Flipping through the report while speaking with Rewire, Byers explained: “It just says that he had been conducting a multiyear investigation and was going to go public with it and wanted to make this report to us, but when we asked him to hold off so we could investigate his claims, he went ahead and went public anyway.”
The reason the sheriff’s office asked Daleiden not to go public was because doing so would hamper any investigation they might do into the allegations Daleiden had made. “That’s very common, for us to ask something like that, because then the people we need to talk to aren’t going to talk to us,” Byers said. “He declined to follow our request.”
Regardless, the sheriff’s office spent months investigating Daleiden’s claims; they found no evidence of illegal conduct by StemExpress. As is routine, the sheriff’s office then referred the matter to the El Dorado District Attorney for further review. Dave Stevenson, the spokesperson for the district attorney’s office, told Rewire he was unable to comment on the matter as the investigation is ongoing.
If it seems odd that Daleiden would make a report to law enforcement—but not give them any time to actually investigate the allegations he’d made and actually jeopardize those investigations—that might be because the act of making the report itself was part of Daleiden’s legal strategy.
Daleiden was consulting with the Life Legal Defense Foundation for at least two years prior to releasing his videos, according to published reports. It’s therefore likely that he knew that California creates criminal and civil penalties for people who intentionally make a secret recording of a person in a private meeting without their consent. And indeed, that’s one of the key charges within the lawsuits that have been filed against Daleiden and his co-defendants.
It’s also likely that Daleiden and his advisers knew that there is an exception to that law for people who make a secret recording “for the purpose of obtaining evidence reasonably believed to relate to the commission by another party to the communication of the crime of extortion, kidnapping, bribery, any felony involving violence against the person.”
Throughout the deposition he made on December 30, Daleiden maintained that he believed he was exposing criminal conduct as a justification for his spying activities. Merritt made similar claims in the deposition she gave in the same case, on December 29. In particular, both insist they believed they were recording evidence of murder.
It appears plausible that Daleiden made his report not because he thought the county sheriff’s office would really investigate, but because he anticipated that once he published the illegally taped videos, he would be charged with a crime, and he was simply laying the groundwork to be able to show a court later on that he had filed the criminal report as evidence of his belief that he had uncovered a crime.
Daleiden did not reply to Rewire‘s questions about whether this was in fact his legal strategy. Catherine Short, his lawyer at Life Legal Defense Foundation, did not immediately respond to our emails seeking comment.
However, for that defense to work, a person must show they had an honest and reasonable belief that they were uncovering a crime. And when it came to the specifics of the supposed crimes they were uncovering, both depositions are striking for the extent to which Daleiden and Merritt refused or were unable to give clear definitions of those offenses.
For instance, both Daleiden and Merritt were reluctant to answer questions about who, if anyone, they believed had actually committed the murder they were supposedly reporting, despite that being one of their key allegations. Both Daleiden and Merritt made vague statements about “doctors” being responsible, or about the “abortion industry” writ large, but when it came to the specifics of how anyone at StemExpress could have been guilty of murder, their answers were evasive.
In one chilling passage, Daleiden gave stammering and elusive answers to questioning over whether he believed that one of the people who assisted him in his smear campaign—a former StemExpress employee named Holly O’Donnell—had provided him with evidence that she had herself committed murder. Discussing O’Donnell’s account of one incident she related where she claimed to have procured fetal brain tissue, Daleiden initially said he did not believe O’Donnell had murdered that fetus. But under questioning about the overall processes involved in preparing tissue samples, Daleiden’s answers became confused.
After Daleiden noted that O’Donnell went with him to his first meeting with El Dorado law enforcement, the StemExpress lawyer asked: “Did you ever tell Holly that you thought she should be investigated by El Dorado County for her conduct?”
Daleiden never definitely said “no,” but rather, “I think that, you know, the testimony of people who worked at StemExpress is—you know, is relevant to that investigation but I think the ultimate culpability is with the—with the business entity.” He also said he would “put culpability on the doc,” but then he said:
I’m not sure what Holly’s obligations were there. But, you know, but this is—this is highly speculative and, like I said, this is why I think this is really serious information that I—and really serious allegations and actions that—that needed to be brought to law enforcement, which is what I did.
Ultimately, Daleiden’s lawyer summarized his client’s position on O’Donnell’s potential guilt thus: “He explained as best he could that it would be the doctor or it would be [a different StemExpress employee] and it’s ambiguous as to Holly’s role at that point.”
Merritt appears to go further. Towards the end of her deposition, she was asked to clarify whether she believed that any StemExpress employees had committed murder. She described what she believed O’Donnell had done, and then said, “Yes, I believe that to be murder.”
One can only wonder whether O’Donnell was aware that Daleiden considered the possibility—or perhaps, had not considered the possibility—that he was giving law enforcement authorities evidence that she had committed murder, when she accompanied Daleiden to their offices and helped him with his “investigation.”
Rewire’s attempts to contact O’Donnell for her comment on that question were unsuccessful.
Further Evidence That Daleiden and His Associates Are Not Reporters
The very fact that Daleiden claimed—albeit incorrectly—to have been “coordinating” with law enforcement further undermines his dubious assertion that he is an investigative reporter. Reporters would seldom coordinate their efforts with law enforcement, except for rare instances where, by way of example, they might inform law enforcement if they had learned of an imminent risk to a person’s life or to national security.
The deposition also revealed Daleiden’s investigative methods to be far from objective, and in some respects, amateurish.
Under questioning from StemExpress’ attorney, Daleiden explained that much of his knowledge of how tissue or organ transplantation worked was based on “research,” which comprised Googling for journal articles, which he admitted to cherry-picking. He also based most of his understanding of the equipment used in heart transplants on watching videos that the equipment manufacturer had posted on its website and YouTube channel.
He relied disproportionately on the expertise of a scientist whose otherwise impressive credentials are marred by her support for widely debunked theories that vaccines are linked to autism. He used this patchwork knowledge to cobble together flawed theories about how fetal tissue is acquired, and the circumstances in which it could be used for research.
He even made assumptions about what medical professionals meant by the words “case” or “specimen”—he said he believed the people he filmed were referring to a fetus, when in fact those words can also refer to a particular organ or piece of tissue. He said that he didn’t give the subjects of his secret video recordings the opportunity to clarify what they meant by these terms because he didn’t want to blow his cover—or as he put it, he didn’t want to get greedy for information and “get lost in the Cave of Wonders like Aladdin and go like looking for all the other treasures.” He just ran with his own assumptions, something no professional reporter would do.
And he acknowledged that the reason he embarked on his project was because he had formed an unshakable belief that abortion providers engaged in unlawful trafficking of human organs and tissues, instead of remaining open-minded about the facts and attempting to report against his own biases, as a real reporter would do. None of the multiple investigations into Planned Parenthood have found any evidence that substantiate Daleiden’s allegations. Indeed, Daleiden manipulated his videos to omit passages where the targets of his campaign explicitly told him that profiting from human tissues was unethical and illegal.
Merritt’s deposition is even more astonishing in terms of just how flimsy her claims to be a reporter turn out to be.
Like Daleiden, Merritt is trying to assert that she is a reporter and therefore protected by the First Amendment.
A lawyer for StemExpress asked Merritt, “Do you consider yourself a journalist?”
Merritt answered, “Yes.”
The lawyer then asked, “Have you ever published any articles?”
Merritt answered, “I have not.”
She said she didn’t do any original research. She didn’t do any writing. She didn’t edit. Merritt specifically told the lawyer for StemExpress that her sole role in the ruse orchestrated by Daleiden was to wear a video recorder while playing the part of Susan Tennenbaum, which may explain why Daleiden has frequently referred to his associates as “actors.”
Wearing a camera does not a reporter make.
Which Members of Congress Knew About the Planned Smear Campaign, What Did They Know, and When?
An especially curious aspect of this saga is how some members of Congress had seen at least one of the smear videos before Daleiden released them to the public. Rep. Trent Franks (R-AZ) and Rep. Tim Murphy (R-PA) both told Roll Call that they had seen the first video about a month before it was published. How and why they came to see the video, and what their role was in helping plan the political response to the tapes, if any, remains unclear.
But the following exchange during Daleiden’s deposition provided a tantalizing tidbit about that mystery.
In his December 30 deposition, Daleiden declined to answer the following questions from StemExpress’ lawyer:
When is the first time you spoke with anybody from, or had any contact with anybody from Congress?
When is the first time you provided any materials to anybody that is a member of Congress?
Daleiden responded: “I don’t think the answer to that question is a matter of public record so I’m going to follow the advice of my counsel.” He declined to respond.
Ostensibly, the reason Daleiden declined is that he believed it was outside the scope of that particular deposition, which was confined to some narrow legal arguments. However, there is an implication in the December 30 deposition that those questions were within the scope of a related case, along with questions about who funded Daleiden’s efforts, and information about the specific role of his board member, the anti-choice extremist and head of Operation Rescue, Troy Newman.
A year has passed since the videos were first released, and a lot of time and taxpayer dollars have been spent as a result of Daleiden’s endeavors. But a year is a short time in the life of a lawsuit, and many cases are still wending their way through state and federal courts. As they do, it is possible that we will learn more about these unresolved questions.
Time will tell whether the pattern Daleiden has established will continue: Instead of exposing wrongdoing by others, the only wrongdoing he has thus far managed to record and expose was his own.