Editor’s Note: We’re delighted to bring Get Real!, Heather Corinna’s
popular sexuality advice column, to you on Rewire, now every week!
I’m not gay, but I like my butt and anus played with. Can someone tell me why?
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I sure can, and I’m glad you asked.
Know what? Some gay men do NOT like having any sort of anal sex.
Enjoyment of anal sex does not define or determine homosexuality, and
lack of enjoyment of anal sex does not define or determine
heterosexuality. So, a guy can be gay and yet not be all that
interested in or even enjoy anal play. You can also be gay without
engaging in anal sex: being gay is about being attracted to the
same-sex, not about having a certain kind of sex, so even a gay guy who
never has sex with anyone is still gay, just like a hetero person who
has never had sex can still know they’re heterosexual and be
heterosexual. A guy can be straight and enjoy anal sex great big
bunches: if you only desire anal play with men, then we’re dealing with
an orientation issue, but if you desire and enjoy anal play full-stop,
it’s just not about sexual orientation. Men of all orientations may or
may not enjoy sexual anal stimulation, and the same goes for women of
The anus is pretty darn sensitive for men and women alike, full of
sensory nerve endings. Most of us tend to enjoy sex the most when it
focuses on the places where our bodies are most sensitive, and thus,
plenty of people enjoy anal sex of various kinds. Our anuses and
rectums are also part of our genitals as a whole, so stimulation of the
anus can increase stimulation of or sensation in our other parts.
With men particularly, a big reason anal stimulation or sex can be
so enjoyable is because of your prostate gland (women don’t have one).
The prostate is a very sensory, walnut-sized gland that is inside
the body, below your bladder between your rectum and the urethra at the
base of your penis. You can look at our cross-section of the male sexual anatomy to see exactly where it is.
Its primary function is to store an alkaline fluid that is part of
your semen, and it also has some small muscles that help to expel
ejaculate. Stimulation of the anus and/or perineum — that flat length
of tissue on the outside of your body, between your anus and testicles
— directly stimulates the prostate.
Some folks call the prostate gland the “P-spot,” or the male
G-spot, to make a comparison between it and the female G-spot, an area
of the vagina which for women is often very sensory and pleasurable in
a similar way. It’s a very sensitive gland, and even when you don’t
directly stimulate it, your prostate is part of your sexual response
and your orgasms.
Some men can reach orgasm through stimulation of the prostate only,
and most men who engage the prostate through anal sex or prostate
massage report that orgasms which involve prostate stimulation —
alone, or when combined with other sexual activities — feel far more
intense or stronger, and go on for longer, than orgasm reached through
stimulation of the penis alone. It should also be noted that often,
orgasm via only prostate stimulation will happen without an
ejaculation. Obviously, gay men can have anal sex together with a
penis, but straight and gay guys alike can engage in anal play or sex
with fingers, oral sex or sex toys. Heterosexual guys who want their
female partners to engage in anal intercourse with them can do so via
dildos with or without a wearable harness for their female partner.
Why don’t all men know about this, given how intense it tends to be
for men who do it, or why don’t all men engage in sex that directly
stimulates the prostate?
For some — remembering that we all do differ in our preferences —
it either feels too sensitive, or just doesn’t do much for them. While
the female clitoris has more sensory nerve endings than any area of
either the male of female genitals, some women find direct stimulation
is just TOO direct for that to feel good, and others find that nerve
endings or no, they prefer something else, or only like certain kinds
of clitoral stimulation. The same can be true with men and the prostate
gland. Some guys are just squicked out by the fact that feces passes
through the rectum and anus. Others may feel that it’s a masculinity
issue: that only women, “feminine” men, or a subservient partner has
any kind of sex where something is put into their bodies, rather than
being the one doing the entering or penetrating. (I probably don’t
need to tell you that around here, we tend to think that’s a pretty
disempowering way to think about sex and gender, no matter what someone
is doing or who their partner is.)
But for most who flee from the idea of sex and their bottoms in
fear, it pretty much all boils down to homophobia. A good many men have
the idea that enjoying anal play or prostate stimulation is about being
gay — or is some sort of magic button that can “turn you gay” — and
many men are homophobic, some staggeringly so. Hopefully, you can see
the lack of logic in the idea that liking to have a sensory part of our
bodies touched says anything about our sexual orientation. To give you
another example, in case it’s tough to see how this isn’t about being
gay from where you’re sitting, plenty of heterosexual women don’t enjoy
vaginal intercourse very much, while plenty of lesbian women do. Does
that mean those straight women aren’t really straight, or those gay
women aren’t really gay? Nope: it just means that what kind of sexual
stimulation we enjoy is about our unique bodies and what parts of them
feel good — no matter the gender of who is touching them — not about
what gender of partner we’re attracted to. Same goes here.
I think we can probably agree that it’s pretty darn silly to let
homophobia keep anyone from enjoying the pleasure that their bodies can
bring, so I’d encourage you to let any you’ve got hanging around go,
for that reason and many others. You like something that isn’t very
surprising to like, especially given your anatomy, and which tends to
result in some pretty great orgasms. You like something which does tend
to very broadly expand the male sexual experience. It doesn’t hurt
anybody, and it doesn’t hurt you (so long as you’re being safe and
smart about anal play): it makes you feel good, and its something you
enjoy, and that’s what sex and sexual exploration are supposed to be
Extra bonus? It’s been found that engaging your prostate in any way — directly or indirectly — helps to prevent prostate cancer.
Here are a few extra links to help you be sure that when you are having any kind of anal sex, you’re doing so safely.
The anus and rectum are delicate, so some extra care should be involved
when it comes to anal sex, and anal play can also carry infection
risks, so it’s good to be clued in so that you can not only do what you
enjoy, but be sure to do it in the healthiest way possible. I also
tossed in a link for you on homosexuality and bisexuality so you can
better understand what it’s really about to be gay, and how it’s not
about your tush.
- Safe, Sound & Sexy: A Safer Sex How-To
- An Anal Sex Lowdown
- Why is anal sex so wrong?
- Sexual Response & Orgasm: A Users Guide
- The Bees and…the Bees: A Homosexuality and Bisexuality Primer